When Love Finds You

When love finds you, it is a heart changing, mind altering, soul opening, life changing experience. I loved this man from the very start. He walked into my life, all heart, full of a capacity for love I had never before witnessed. There was never any question that he loved me, but as I settled into the realization that love had found me, instead of being filled with joy and expectation, I was filled with trepidation and a fear that left me rooted in my safe place, unable to move. Will my love be enough for him? When he sees me for who I really am, will he still love me?

"You cannot love someone before you truly love yourself." We've all heard this truth at some point in our lives, and so while we wait for love to find us, we love ourselves, as best we can. We forgive our mistakes as learning experiences that make us better people. We embrace our less lovable places in hopes that if we embrace them, so will the love of our life. But there is something missing in that exercise. While we must be aware of, and embrace, our own uniqueness, it isn't until our singularity is reflected back at us that our place in the world has any real meaning.

Love is more than a warm fuzzy wave of emotion, it is an act of faith. Trust, a component of love, is not an act to be performed solo. It implies that there is an object, whether it be your god, your parents, your self or another human being who is offering you love. For your love to tell you that he loves you, and because you see him the way that you do -- perfect from head to toe -- you ask yourself, "How is it that this enlightened flawless human being can love me?" After a quick inventory of yourself, one you're well versed at after so much practice, you are reminded that yes, you do love yourself.

But then, it hits you, loving yourself was something you did all alone. It might have required some serious work, or maybe it was the easiest thing you ever did. Letting someone else love you, on the other hand, may be the hardest thing you ever do. It requires faith, trust, and most of all -- an acceptance of love from your beloved. Another word for "acceptance" is "permission". When love finds you, and you open the door of your heart to love from another human being, you give yourself permission to be loved. Permission implies freedom, freeing the demons that would drive you to darkness, unlocking the depth of your soul and giving your heart, just as it is, to another. These acts of release are simple, yet we deny them in exchange for a heavy burden.

Love does not come with extra weight, or anxiety, it happens in the moment we allow it to, in the moment we get relief from our own self doubt. Love does not come with fear of letting go, it happens in the moment we believe in the love being offered to us. Love happens when we accept that we are enough, when we quiet all the questions. When love finds you, nothing is ever the same.